Pleasuring a Man and Pleasing a WomanThe fact that there is an inordinate demand for information on giving pleasure to our sexual partners is demonstrated very clearly by the fact that, at the time of writing, a query on Google for "how to please a woman" produced 131 million results, while a query on Google for "how to pleasure a woman" produced 42 million results. The same enquiries addressed to the satisfaction of men, in other words "how to please a man" produced 442 million results, while "how to pleasure a man" produced 56 million results. Now, whatever you think of these statistics they do clearly demonstrate one thing: that there is a huge demand for information on giving our partners sexual pleasure. Interestingly, there seems to be more demand for this information from women than there is from men. This could represent men's greater sexual self-confidence, or it could represent the fact that men are sexually lazy and less interested in satisfying their female partners than women are in satisfying their male partners. It could also represent the very common desire amongst women to placate and please their men by anticipating their sexual needs, even at the expense of their own satisfaction. The tragedy of this situation is that there need be no shortage of sexual pleasure for either men or women, whether they are in a relationship or not. Of course, when we think of sexual pleasure we usually think of sexual intercourse: after all, most of us have become conditioned to think of intercourse as the obvious route to sexual pleasure. And yet, for women in particular, sexual intercourse is a very unsatisfactory means of reaching orgasm. We know that a very small minority of women indeed -- perhaps as few as 15% -- reach orgasm during sexual intercourse. The majority of women reach orgasm most easily through oral sex or masturbation either by themselves or by their partner. Men, on the other hand, almost always achieve orgasm through intercourse; they may even achieve orgasm through intercourse more often than they do through oral sex or masturbation by their partner. Given these well proven facts, it's obvious that there is a large discrepancy in the means by which men and women are likely to be most sexually fulfilled. An obvious question for anyone seeking greater sexual fulfillment is whether or not men and women are equally prepared to experiment with new techniques to obtain sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, it seems that even in these enlightened days of wider sexual knowledge, women are all too ready to forego their own orgasmic pleasure, either by not insisting on having an orgasm before or after intercourse, or simply by using masturbation as a means to obtain sexual pleasure when their partner is not around. It might be stretching the truth a little to say that women put up with intercourse because they know men like it, but somewhere behind that statement lies a grain of truth that represents this unhappy disparity between men and women when it comes to obtaining sexual satisfaction and pleasure. We believe that women are far more willing to experiment with sex so as to obtain sexual satisfaction than men are. For most men, masturbation, oral sex, and sexual intercourse are quite adequate means of dispelling sexual tension, provided one or more of these methods is readily available on a regular basis, and as a result there seem to be less men than women who are willing to strive for the greatest sexual pleasure that they could achieve. However, having said that, men do seem to require more novelty to keep a relationship alive. For example, they are more interested in finding the very best sexual positions than women, and trying them out to see how it feels. Why should this be? When we all know how powerful and rewarding an orgasm can be, so why would we shy away from obtaining the maximum amount of pleasure that we can possibly achieve with our own bodies? The fact that you're reading this page demonstrates that you're one of the few people who wish to seek the maximum amount of sexual pleasure that you can possibly obtain from your own body, and it is to you select few readers that the following text is dedicated. If you research information on how to get the greatest possible sexual pleasure, you will find very quickly a theme that comes up again and again: the concept of extended, mind blowing orgasms. The aim of all sexual techniques designed to "please a man in bed" or "pleasure a woman during sex" - or however you put it - is the same: to extend the length of an orgasm and deepen and magnify its power, so that the ecstasy which we experience in the normal course of sex for perhaps a few seconds now lasts for minutes, tens of minutes, or perhaps even hours. In the chapters to come we will tell you all you need to know about the areas of the body that produce massive mind blowing orgasms, and we'll tell you how to increase the length of your orgasms - basically, for as long as you want to enjoy them. Some of the ideas will be new to you, and some will not. Whatever you read here, we hope you will find it fascinating, profitable, and enjoyable, but none of the advice that we offer about obtaining massive mind blowing orgasms need interfere with anything that you're already doing sexually. You might find that you want to make some changes as you read through the website: perhaps you'll change the order in which you enjoy sex -- for example, a lot of men really enjoy intercourse much more after their female partner has had an orgasm, so this is one obvious change that you might like to consider as you move through our information. There may be many others! Part One - The Basics Of Extended, Mind-Blowing Orgasms What would you say if I said that you block out the least 99% of the sensory input that is available to you? It sounds amazing, but as human beings we live in a confusing and hectic world: we have no choice but to block out much of the sensory input we receive. If we were consciously aware of every sound, sight, taste, smell, and feeling available to us we would be overwhelmed and literally unable to function. Most of our sensory inputs are filtered out long before they reach the conscious mind; by definition we're not aware of the sensory input that is filtered by our brains. And while that's a great thing for our survival, it does have its downsides. For example, filtering sensory input becomes so second nature to the human being that much of this sensuous and sensory input associated with sensual experiences such as sex is lost to us as well. Most obviously, you have very little awareness of your body for most of the time: it's only those things that are out of the ordinary, such as the sudden itch, or an unpleasant smell, that penetrate your consciousness. And yet the paradox here is that to have the greatest sexual experiences, you need to be fully aware of your body. Being fully aware of your body is an interesting and very different experience to the one that you carry around with you in everyday life. The heightened sensitivity of your partner's touch can magnify the sensations contributing to your sexual arousal a hundred fold; most people whose sensory input has been awakened express astonishment at how the simple act of getting back in touch with their bodies has increased their capacity to enjoy sexual pleasure in general and orgasm in particular. It's not hard to understand why this happens: orgasmic pleasure begins in the body. While you might have always believed that sexual arousal is the product of your mind, the reality is rather different -- both sexual arousal and your progress towards orgasm depend on you being physically aroused, that is to say, being aroused in your body. While it's true that sexual arousal appears to start in the mind with perhaps fantasy or a sudden lustful thought, causing a spontaneous erection in men, or lubrication in women, that kind of arousal will not take you towards orgasm on its own. Your body has to be aroused as well before you can move towards orgasm. The clearest example of this is men who have a condition known as delayed ejaculation, in which they cannot reach orgasm and ejaculate, no matter how long they thrust in their partner's vagina. Anybody looking at that situation would think these men were incredibly aroused, with their rock hard erections that last hours, yet these men cannot ejaculate because they are not sufficiently sexually aroused to reach the point of orgasmic release. So here you have the first step on the path towards giving your partner the ultimate in sexual pleasure: a program of touching their body in the right way that increases their arousal far beyond the level that it usually reaches -- and keeps it there! In this way orgasms can be extended, for both men and women, into minutes or even hours. The sexual energy flow involved in the state of extended orgasm is so powerful that it flows through the whole body: people report a sensation of whole-body orgasm that feels like a team glowing wave of electricity passing delightfully and sensuously through their entire body. And men and women can be brought into the final massive orgasmic peak -- which remain includes ejaculation -- at any stage of this process. In some ways, though, we're jumping ahead too quickly by talking about the orgasmic experience itself. There are some prerequisites that are necessary for every man and woman to be able to achieve this state of ecstasy. And very high on this list is self-acceptance: that is to say, self-acceptance of one's current sexual performance, of the progress - either rapid or slow - that one makes as one moves towards mind-blowing, extended orgasm. Equally important is having a trusting, open relationship with your partner, a relationship in which communication is clear and direct. For men in particular it can be a problem to move into this new way of providing pleasure for their partners. Almost all men are delighted to take a woman to orgasm, but sometimes they may not see the value of an extended orgasm. Here, perhaps their female partners can help them -- women are generally much more adventurous in the pursuit of sexual pleasure than men are! If you're having doubts about working towards extended orgasm then perhaps all you need to do is to take the program one step at a time: see what each step of the program does for you and if you like the results move onwards; if you don't like the results, then try something different. Above all, avoid this becoming another performance test, for an absolute certainty is that if you come to view the achievement of extended orgasm as a measure of your sexual success, you will introduce into your sexual games a number of emotional states which are practically guaranteed to inhibit your success: tension, performance anxiety, and potentially conflict with your partner. Criteria for success As you're reading this book we know that you're interested in achieving greater sexual pleasure! This probably also means that you're happy to take a great deal of responsibility for your own sexual pleasure. If so, you're not likely to see yourself as a victim of circumstance, but rather as a person who creates their own reality. This probably gives you a sense of control over your life and the ability to change it in the way that you want. Currently you're making a choice to exercise control over your sexual pleasure. So ask yourself what inhibits your achievement of sexual pleasure, or even perhaps orgasm? Is it inexperience, or a lack of information about sexual techniques? Is it the belief that your partner's orgasm is more important than your own and that your chief duty is to provide him or her with an orgasm while sacrificing your own pleasure in some way? Could it be that you lack some vital information about how your body responds in certain sexual circumstances, and you're therefore not experiencing the full capacity of your body to respond sexually? Perhaps you really believe that orgasms only last for between 2 and 10 seconds, and that, good as they are, they really can't be improved upon? Or if you examine your deepest beliefs, do you find that you somehow limit the amount of pleasure you can experience? (A fundamental belief for many people is that pleasure is limited and must be counterbalanced by struggle and effort.) Our ambivalent attitude to sexual pleasure is demonstrated very clearly by the fact that so many taboos exist around discussing the details of our sensual and sexual experience. Yes, you may believe that it is inappropriate to discuss such personal matters, but let me ask you why? is it really any more appropriate to discuss the details of your heart bypass operation, your prostatectomy, your hysterectomy, or any other operation which you may have been through? What would be the response of most people if you started telling them about your massive extended orgasm, and the changes in your body that accompanied it (such as copious vaginal lubrication, massive amounts of pre-ejaculate fluid emerging from your penis, energy flow through your genitals, and orgasms whose contractions continued for minutes at a time)? Yet the odd things is that we're all human, we all have the same sexual equipment, and broadly speaking we have similar sexual experiences. We all know that we have orgasms and we all know what they feel like. We all know that men have penises, and women have vaginas, yet somehow we also intuit that discussion of these matters is unacceptable. It's quite perverse, really, because a man or woman who are experiencing extended, mind blowing orgasms tend to be much happier and much more positive than people who are not, yet we still seem to focus on the negative, the painful, and the discouraging rather than the uplifting, the vital and the life enhancing (such as the potentially unlimited pleasure of orgasm!) Planning your sex sessions From time to time in this work you'll come across suggestions that strike you as -- well, anything really, from ridiculous to laughable. When this happens we invite you to consider whether or not it's some deep-seated prejudice -- by which we mean a deeply held belief that actually has no basis in reality -- that is causing you to react in this way. For example, what would you say if we asked you to schedule sex in your diary? The most likely answer is that sex should be spontaneous and that to put it in the diary dehumanizes it. In reality, putting sex in the diary gives you the opportunity to know in advance that you have time reserved for your own pleasure, time which you've booked as yours, acknowledging your wish to achieve greater sexual pleasure, or to provide greater sexual pleasure to your partner. Doing this can both help you to avoid other commitments, and to avoid a sense of guilt that may accompany something that seems so self-indulgent. For, after all, you are making a choice to engage in a program of greater sexual pleasure, and that requires commitment on your part. Your first commitment is to make time to try all the exercises. You night also believe that sex "should" involve an exchange of sexual favors with your partner (as in): "First one person reaches orgasm, then the other; that's the way it's meant to be!" Maybe you believe that sex is no good unless you both come during intercourse, perhaps even at at the same time. Well if you do, you're going to be disappointed for much of the time! (Simultaneous orgasms are as rare as hen's teeth.) But the reality may not stop you from ruining your own sexual experience by listening to these prejudices, false beliefs, myths -- call them what you will. So, in the context of extending your orgasms and obtaining greater sexual pleasure, you need to accept that from time to time the exchange of pleasure will be one way: that you will be pleasuring your partner, or that your partner will be pleasuring you -- without any expectation of return. Obstacles to success The best atmosphere to achieve an extended mind blowing orgasm is one of trust and respect with your partner. Unfortunately many of the issues that crop up in day-to-day relationships can get between you and your orgasm. So we'll now examine a number of these issues in the hope that you can avoid the problems that otherwise might arise. First of all it's important to remember that whatever you read in the newspapers or other media is not a good guide to human sexuality -- and it's certainly not a guide in any way whatsoever to your sexuality! Men and women can easily develop a sense of insecurity around their sexuality and sexual behavior because they believe that they are not "normal". But the only measure of what is normal for you is what you do, and what you are comfortable with. That includes aspects of your sex life such as how often you have sex, but it also includes such things as your fantasies, how you enjoy yourself sexually, and how you and your partner interact during lovemaking. it's true that whilst you practice extended mind blowing orgasms, you may need to question some of your established beliefs, and perhaps even change some of what you do during sex. Nonetheless this is not a reason to be distracted by what you read, see, or hear going on around you. The more you are able to stay in the present, the less distracted you are by what is going on around you, and the more you can focus on what you are feeling in the moment, the greater your chance of success. Anxiety is normal during any sexual adventure: the way to deal with it is by consciously deciding that you approve of you are and what you are doing, that you have the power to discuss issues that arise with your partner, and that you will throw yourself wholeheartedly into the sexual journey that lies ahead of you. Secondly a lot of emotions will come up for you as you practice these exercises. That's actually very natural indeed. If you're not warned about it in advance, however, it can be a surprise when you find yourself feeling irritated for example as you start to enjoy a sensual sex session with your partner. The truth is this: that these exercises are incredibly intimate, and a more intimate you are with your partner and more open you are to the feelings that you may have repressed in your day-to-day life. We all get irritated with our partners -- it's only natural that we don't talk about all resentments, minor irritations, and annoyances that can arise in everyday life. The problem is that these can find a way out during sessions of intimacy is irritation or even anger. One of the most prevalent emotions for women during intimacy sessions is anger. I happen to believe that all the anger that is stored in response to men's treatment of a woman can express itself when her G spot is stimulated. You may have heard of the concept of bodily memory: in the case of sex, almost every sexual experience that a woman has undergone as a memory stored in her nervous system that can be accessed through the G spot. When you begin to enjoy G spot stimulation you will discover that these emotions can come out as anger, rage, sadness, tears, laughter, or joy. Unfortunately, it's rather unpredictable which of those will emerge in response to a particular session of G spot stimulation. Naturally enough, the more abuse a woman has experienced, the more likely she is to discharge anger or even rage after a session of G spot stimulation. But even small abuses such as unwanted sexual intercourse (yes, that is an abuse) can produce a bodily memory that is access of all through the G spot. There are several ways to deal with this discharge of emotions: the first is to simply let it flow by as an observer. It's unlikely that much if any of this anger is directed at the male partner who happens to be with the woman in this particular session of intimacy. The art of extended orgasm requires that the man should except that this is not directed at him, not take it personally, and allow it to pass by in an atmosphere of trust and respect whatever it is that the woman is feeling. The second way to deal with this is to slightly shift your thinking so that your expectations of the process change. The only reason why a man would feel offended, or annoyed, all rage full, or indeed anything else, in response to a woman's discharge of bodily motion is that he's somehow expects her reaction to be different. He might, for example, expect her to be grateful for what he's doing for her. Well, if he loses his expectations then he certainly will lose his emotional response to his partners discharge. And when you think about it what this comes down to in the end is a matter of absolute trust: if you are completely able to accept that both you and your partner have each other's best interests at heart, and that whatever they do is not a reflection of how they feel about you but a reflection of their own internal state at the time, then you need not feel your partner's emotional state is an assault on you. Thirdly, it's important to know exactly what you're trying to do and to communicate that design clearly to your partner. Once again of course this comes down to honest and open communication. But the reason it's important when you're practicing intimacy exercises with the object of achieving extended mind blowing orgasms is that without knowing what you want you can't attract it to yourself; nor can you communicate your partner who therefore doesn't know what you want either, and will manifest your lack of clarity in his or her approach to the sessions of intimacy that you will be sharing as you progress towards your goals. Fourthly you may find that the great benefit of carrying out exercises designed to bring about greater intimacy and extended massive orgasm is that your state of mind changes -- that you become happier, more fulfilled, both physically and emotionally, and generally radiate more positive energy. Of course to get to this place you have to give something up: and one of the things you may have to give up is the belief that men should satisfy women sexually. Sexual gratification comes from within, even if your partner facilitates you getting there. Once again, you may be able to see the theme of taking responsibility your actions, excepting that the outcomes you achieve are down to you and your input into the process, and not blaming your partner what you see is his or her failings. The benefits of extended mind blowing orgasm Will hopefully some of these will already be obvious to you. You have a sexually turned on and gratified lover who is a pleasure to be around, you have open and honest communication in your relationship with your partner, and you have the joy of extended orgasms. But when we analyze the processing and a more subtle way, the key element of happiness in relationships is usually due to the fact that the woman is sexually content and emotionally fulfilled. As a man you probably already sensed that even if you've never expressed it quite so directly: and some authors have taken this to mean that the focus of sensuality exercises designed to increase your capacity to enjoy orgasm should be the woman was in the relationship. And that may well be true, except that there is a problem -- resentment on the part of the man because the woman is the focus of the exercises! So strongly worth just reminding men what this process can do for them and their partner. At its simplest level there is the enormous gratification that men feel when women have sexual pleasure, especially when that sexual pleasure is simply due to what the man has been able to do for her. We shouldn't underestimate how much it means to us men to bring a woman to orgasm -- in some ways it's actually even a measure of our own capacity as lovers. And yet when you think about it, there's nobody responsible for the female orgasm except the woman who is having it! So though you may be happy but you're able to give your partner and orgasm, it's better to focus on the facts that you get benefits from giving her extended orgasm: you feel more passionate for one thing, more passionate about life, more passion about sex, more passionate about women. You'll certainly feel more masculine and have a more strongly rooted sense of your masculinity. As she moves more deeply into her feminine, the consequence of experiencing a female sexuality to the fall, you will naturally polarized towards your masculine -- you may even discover aspects of masculinity that you didn't know existed. You'll probably also experience a reduction in tension, both physical and emotional tension. You'll almost certainly feel renewed feelings of love your partner, which can always serve you both well by allowing her to release her inner feminine (often in a very raw and lustful way -- the part of her that is often called the Goddess within), a state of her being to which your deepest mail call will respond readily. Your ability as a man to give yourself a little woman is probably one of the greatest keys to having a fantastic relationship we were both fulfilled. It's a fundamental aspect of the male psyche that we wish to please women, and the achievement of extended orgasm is a very profound way of fulfilling this incredibly important aspect of both our natures. The things you need to know about your body Depending on how far down the road of sexual gratification you already are, you may or may not know enough about the male and female anatomy to make it easy for you to achieve sexual pleasure. So in this section we are going to cover some of the information you need to know before you start getting physically intimate with your partner. G spot and clitoral structure and function
How to Gain Pleasure As A Woman
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