Here Is The Definitive Guide To Pleasuring
"Rod, where have you been all these years, when I needed this information so badly? We were arguing so much about our relationship before we read your material, and yet now our life together is beautifully calm and relaxed....Life is looking great!"
Robert Gascoigne - New York
Of course it isn't. It's much more about knowing what pleases your partner, sexually. And that will vary from one woman to another. It means taking account of your partner's specific needs, and it means knowing how to behave in a way in bed that meets both your needs and your partner's. After all, sex is meant to be a pleasure for two people. So what, then, is the essence of great sex? First of all, it is probably about consideration. Simply taking your pleasure (kiss, insert, ejaculate) is selfish - you have to pleasure your partner unless you have both specifically agreed that this is a "quickie", designed for the thrill of sexual release and nothing else. And pleasuring a woman means taking time to ensure she gets what she needs - slow gentle arousal, slow engagement, stimulation at a pace that is right for her. An increasing rate of sexual stimulation that takes her on a sensuous journey all the way through to her orgasm and recovery stage of her sexual response cycle.
No matter how good you are at the mechanics of sex, it will count for nothing if the woman you're with isn't receptive to you. First and foremost in the list of requirements for good sex is your ability to convey to the woman that you're with the fact that she isn't just a sex object, that you like her as a person, you're not there just because you want sex with her. No matter how much she likes sex, she's going to need to know that you want to make love to her, and not just any woman that you happen to be able to get into bed.
So, assuming that
you do want to be in some kind of relationship with the
woman you're trying to get into bed, then bear in mind
the following simple fact: if you enjoy a lot of
foreplay with her, the sex, when you get down to it,
will be much, much better.
In fact, the only way to have really good sex is to enjoy extensive foreplay that really arouses her: the more foreplay you enjoy with her, the more she'll enjoy sex, the more enthusiastic she'll be, and the more fun you'll have!
Of course what I said above implies there's a distinction between foreplay and sex. In reality, there is no such distinction, as they blend seamlessly into each other. What you have to remember is this: to ensure she is ready for sex, she needs 10 to 20 times as much foreplay is you do.
Now, that can be problematic for many men (and their partners), because sexual response in many men is almost instant. (At least, most women would probably see it that way!) So if a man can get an erection after two minutes, insert and ejaculate within another two, the implication of most research is that the woman in this relationship would need around twenty to thirty minutes' foreplay before she was ready to achieve orgasm. How is this gross disparity in what might be taken as "sexual needs" to be resolved? The answer can only lie in the man tempering his sexual responses and paying more attention to the woman.
To start with, apart from the obvious fact that it ensures a woman is ready for sex both physically, emotionally and spiritually, it actually reinforces the bond between you, it provides greater intimacy within your relationship, and it relaxes you, so that when you do get down to sex (by which I mean penetrative sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation), she's much more likely to have an orgasm, and you're much more likely to have a very enjoyable experience with her. For the man, one clear advantage of foreplay is that he is much more likely to be aroused to the point where his erection persists without any fear of losing it. After all, in my work as a sex therapist, I have discovered that men's most common fear is loss of erection - and men's most common sexual dysfunction is - yes, you guessed it, loss of erection. Erection problems are the curse of men's sexual self-confidence.
Even if you haven't been in a situation yet where you've been tempted to just "take" a woman sexually, to push into her, to take your pleasure regardless of her wishes and desires, there's likely to be a time in your life where this happens. Suppose you're incredibly turned on, you're with a woman who really excites you, you've been talking, you've kissed, maybe you've even undressed and you're naked together, you have a hard erection, and judging by her responses she seems to be just as excited as you are. What next?
Well, let's suppose for a moment that at this point your desire overtakes you and, lying on top of her, while kissing her passionately, your penis magically finds its way into her body and you begin to "make love" (i.e. fuck) to her. It's a feeling like no other: it's the ultimate male sexual pleasure, to have a willing woman, to dominate her, to take her, to reach climax and ejaculate deep inside her. It's exciting, it's pleasurable, and it's incredibly fulfilling of you as a man.
But did you ever stop to ask yourself how she felt about it? It's entirely possible, that if she was really aroused at the height of her desire, she too found it a very enjoyable experience. It's even possible she reached orgasm; but, as we know, that is rather unlikely, because only a very few women reach orgasm through intercourse, and in the situation described she would need to have been extremely turned on, and probably getting some clitoral stimulation as well to reach orgasm. Would it surprise you then, if after you've done the deed, and you're lying back congratulating yourself on a job well done, her attitude turns cold on you? You're feeling very satisfied from having sex; she seems to be pissed off. What went wrong?
The obvious answer is that she didn't come. The implication is that you didn't even try to make her come. I've said before, but I repeat here, because I think it's incredibly important: bearing in mind that most men come reasonably quickly after penetration, while most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and bearing in mind that a woman usually needs 20 minutes of foreplay (at least!) before she's aroused enough to want intimate sexual contact, the best sex for both of you will only be achieved when you take the trouble to warm her up, give her an orgasm through oral sex or masturbation, and then share the joys of penetration and your own orgasm with her.
You'll want to do this, if for no other reason than the fact that you're a thoughtful, considerate, caring man, not a selfish exploiter who just wants a quick fuck. Even though you get an erection and you're ready to go, or at least that's how it feels, it just isn't the same for her.
Talking to her, establishing a connection, enjoying gentle physical connection, kissing, and sensuous touch is all essential to get her warmed up, get her juices flowing, and get her in the mood before she wants to be sexual with you. You can think of this as a process that has two stages: the first stage is you talk to her, so that your minds get to know each other; the next stage is that you kiss, touch, caress and cuddle, so that your bodies get to know each other. Only when she's convinced that you want to "know" her for her own sake, not just as a quick lay, and only when her body has had enough of the right kind of stimulation, will she be really ready for sex. To ensure that a woman is ready for sex is an essential part of being a man. These are the things that a man should know - but unfortunately they are not the kind of things that most men learn from their fathers (or indeed anywhere else). It takes a savvy kind of guy to know how to please a woman sexually, to bring her to orgasm, to give her a great time in bed. If you think you lack this knowledge, then this may be a helpful resource for you. A program to give a woman an orgasm is "Orgasm By Command Review" written by the current internet guru on sexual matters - Lloyd Lester.
Now, what she's never going to tell you is that she expects you to know this. She expects you to follow that plan. She expects you to be sensitive enough to meet her needs in this area. And the truth is that unless you do those things, you're not going to enjoy good sex (and, if it's a casual date, you're probably not going to see her again). What often puzzles men is that women will go along with them and have sex, even if some or all of the above "conditions" are not fulfilled. It's easy to assume that if a woman does have intercourse with you, she wanted it, she was ready for it, and if she seems grumpy or displeased afterwards, you'll probably wonder why.
The truth is that she probably did it just to please you. You don't want that kind of sex.
So if you're going to enjoy good foreplay, you need to see foreplay as a way of enjoying yourself with your partner, and arousing her at the same time, not as a tedious task that just has to be done before you get the reward for doing it (access to her body).
In some sense of course, foreplay begins well outside the bedroom. You could even argue that it begins the moment you decide you want to go to bed with someone, because from that moment on your actions will be directed to that outcome. What you say to your partner, both before and during physical intimacy, is also a vital part of foreplay.
As you know, your words can turn your partner on: what you say to her can make her melt emotionally, and her body prepare for intimacy with you. Words like: "You're so beautiful, so sexy, so desirable" or "I love being with you, your beautiful body makes me feel so excited" or "You feel so good" and "I love to hold you and kiss you" or "I love the scent of your body and the taste of your secret special places"...and so on. You can think of many more, I'm sure - though if you can't, you need to read the following book to help you get some clues on how to be sensitive and romantic in what you say to your partner.
While you want to hear how desirable you are, and how much your woman would like to feel you inside them, and other similar expressions of admiration for your manhood and masculinity, women like to hear compliments, expressions of how you feel towards them, and personal words that show your appreciation and affection for them. This is beginning to sound a bit like Romance 101, but it's interesting how few men have the sensitivity, or the training, the charm a female partner with what they say. (And I'm not talking about the charmer, the lothario, who seduces a woman with words, uses her, and then abandons her).
I'm talking about the man who clearly and directly says what he feels from his heart: if you don't know how to do that now, get a bit of coaching from the following website which will help you turn your words into romantic messages that go straight to your lover's heart.
It follows therefore, that something like "I love being intimate with you" goes down a heck of a lot better than "I'd really like to f**k you." At least, that is, in the initial stages of your interaction. There's nothing wrong with hot, horny talk when you're both extremely aroused and in the midst of passion. But even then, be sensitive. Don't go plunging in until you sure that she's going to respond by being turned on, or that it excites her as well. You might even want to discuss the matter before you get into bed, when your feelings of arousal are not distorting your judgment. And if you want her to talk this dirty to you, simply tell how much it arouses you.
Of course what women really like (just as men do) is foreplay that makes them feel good. If you communicate the fact that you want your partner to feel good she is likely to be much more responsive to your caresses. And just how do you make her feel good? Be slow, attentive, kind, connect with her feelings and emotions, don't dive straight for her genitals, and give her the space and time that she needs to get aroused. Bear in mind that if she senses you're not enjoying yourself or you're not really into the foreplay, she might still let you move on to full sex ... but, as you know by now, this is isn't going to be be a success.
Women are very sensitive to the fact that men get bored with foreplay: if pleasing men is one of her "programs" then she'll probably go along with you, but you won't get great sex. If you care about the woman you are with you can think of foreplay as sharing pleasure. And if you're thinking of sex as being nothing more than penetrative sex then you're making a mistake. Much of foreplay is sex: besides caressing, touching, kissing, it includes mutual pleasuring, oral pleasuring and really any other kind of play you want to engage in. In other words, foreplay is sex just as much as intercourse is.
I've already described at considerable length how women worry about what men are thinking. This is just as true in the bedroom as it is everywhere else. If she can't pick up clues from you, as you make love, about how you're feeling, she may conclude that you're not enjoying yourself, at which point she'll start worrying whether she's doing it well enough and she may start pestering you about how you're feeling, which is pretty much guaranteed to end the pleasure for both of you.
The way to deal with this is simply to tell her how you're feeling, by means of verbal and non-verbal signals: moans of pleasure, whispers of delight, or simple straightforward statements about how good it feels will go a long way to reassuring her that you're enjoying yourself.
You might have noticed how nothing turns you on in your bedroom like a woman who is turned on, a woman who's responding to what you're doing to her. Did it ever occur to you that this is also true the other way round? She gets incredibly excited when she senses your unleashed passion and enjoyment of what you're doing together. So don't hold back! Let go, make as much noise as you want, lose your inhibitions and show her you love a good time with her!
It might strike you as a strange notion that men can be inhibited in bed, but it's absolutely true. Nowhere is this seen more clearly than in men who have delayed ejaculation, a condition where they find it difficult, if not impossible, to reach orgasm despite long-lasting intercourse with their partners. That condition affects about 10% of men, perhaps slightly more, but it's only one end of the scale of inhibition which to some extent the effects all men. You don't have to shout so loud that the neighbors ring the Fire Brigade. Just make a bit more noise, and you might be surprised how it adds to your enjoyment of sex -- and this includes the noise you make when you come, for the louder you express your pleasure, the more powerful your orgasm will be. Try it and see!
When you are in touch with the energy of sex to the full, you get in touch with the energy of life, you get in touch with your passion. That can be passion as in sexual arousal, or it can be passion as in "enthusiastically engaging with life in a wholehearted way". As far as making love is concerned, the watchword is: build it up slowly, give and take, and let passion you so that you lose your editions when you express how you're feeling.
leave little notes around the house telling her how much you love her (or whatever you feel like expressing)
call her or text her during the day with her subtle (or not so subtle) message about how much you're looking forward to seeing her that evening -- and why!
touch her (in a nonsexual way) when you're out together in public places
kiss her in a public place -- she might be embarrassed, but secretly she'll love it
take the time to discuss things with each other
take the time to read to each other
take the time to play game together on a regular basis
wear a masculine fragrance that you know she likes
flirt with her -- in particular, given that look which says "you know what I want to do to you!"
run your fingers gently over her skin
give her a shoulder massage, or a scalp massage if you know how to do it, when she's looking tense -- or even when she's not
caress her face and head gently, kiss her passionately looking into her eyes as you do so
give her a hug whenever the opportunity arises
make everything you do in the bedroom slow and sensual, including undressing her
kiss and caress every part of her body, including the ones that up till now you haven't seen as places where you might kiss her
give her a sensual massage on her back, her legs, her thighs -- wherever it seems right, and wherever she likes it
take a shower or bath together
leave scented candles around the bedroom if you like them (don't give your power away by tolerating stuff you find unacceptable), and leave petals on her pillow before you guide her gently to the bed to make love to her
and don't forget the excitement of frottage -- get your clothed bodies together and rub your genitals together through the clothing (if you want to tease her, you can then break off, leaving her wondering what's could happen next ... and of course, that's up to you!)
One of the best techniques for generating arousal is to gently stimulate the skin. Start by using your hands in a conventional massage. You don't really have to know anything about massage techniques to do this -- just use some oil and rub your hands over your partner's body. Stimulating her skin in this way gets her "into" her body. If you're both naked, then rub your whole body length from top to toe over hers, making sure that you support your weight in your arms so you don't squash.
Let her feel your hardening manhood brush over her body as you do this, but don't make it overtly sexual -- not at this stage anyway. Then take time to stimulate the skin with other things such as a feather, or silk, or by blowing warm air across her skin. This is all about enlivening every nerve ending so that her whole body begins to tingle (or your body begins to tingle if she's doing it to you).
It is amazing how sensual and erotic this can be, how arousing it can be for both a man and a woman be stimulated in this way. And of course there will be a point at which you want to move on to massaging the genitals -- and that's fine if you spend enough time preparing for it. You could even use your mouth on her intimate areas, and she could return the favour for you.
You may well find when you do this is that because of the different way in which the energy builds up it takes longer for a man to reach orgasm that it would normally if his partner is masturbating his penis. Men with a premature ejaculation problem may be surprised how much stimulation they can take from their partner without going over the edge and exploding! It's actually a beautiful technique for building up arousal, a technique that can allow you to experience much more powerful orgasms later.
The first thing you need to remember is: don't be shy! By this I mean that if you have trouble finding a woman's clitoris, you need to make sure you locate it with elegance and grace rather than fumbling around like a naive 16-year-old.
So how are you going to do this? The answer is, you're going to incorporate your exploration into your love play. There are many ways to do that -- an obvious one is to kiss her gently and seductively all way down her body from mouth to chin to throat to breasts to belly to pubic region to clitoris ... assuming that if you have your fingers and your mouth down there you should be able to find it without too much trouble! That's not a particularly skilful thing to do, but it does illustrate the qualities of a good lover: confidence, taking the trouble to please her before you please yourself, and finding a way to overcome difficulties (even if that means asking her what she likes).
You'll notice that this list of qualities doesn't include the ability to give a woman an orgasm. That's because it's actually much more important to be able to give a woman pleasure and connect with her; once you can do that, then giving her an orgasm is much much easier.
Remember also that she needs reassurance that you'll take the time it takes to see if she can come -- knowing full well that she may not do so. At least she'll have the best possible opportunity to explore whether or not it can happen for her when you make love if you adopt the approach described.
Another point to be aware of is that if your woman is inhibited, she may be very reluctant to try anything beyond sex in the missionary position, and she may not have much experience of reaching orgasm during sex. The best way to tackle this is to work slowly, slowly, slowly towards a more open expression of her sexuality. You can really help her here by building up her confidence, and by discussing these issues when you're outside the bedroom, enjoying time together.
It's a real shame that so many women (and quite a few men, too!) find sex embarrassing or shameful. It's the product of the way we were brought up by parents who didn't know any better, or by caregivers who deliberately or otherwise inhibited the expression of our natural joyous sexuality. There's a lot more information for women who were not currently orgasmic here, and there's a lot of information for women who want to enjoy orgasm during sex with their partner here.
This section covers some techniques and principles that may help you feel more confident when faced with the challenge of bringing a woman to orgasm.
There are those who would say that it isn't the man's responsibility to bring a woman to orgasm: that she is in fact responsible for her own sexual pleasure. While I know exactly what these people are trying to get at, the reality is that in most couples the man finds great satisfaction in bringing the woman to orgasm, and most women are very happy to lie back and go for it. It feels right, doing it like this. It feels natural to the woman to get the appreciation and attention of her man; it feels right to the man to be in the position of giving or leading his woman an orgasm. I don't make any judgements about this, because I've been in that situation myself plenty of times; it is what it is, and assuming that that's the way the majority of couples like to play it, the following information should help men who don't feel as confident about it as they might.
One of the problems with offering this kind of advice is that there are an infinite number of ways to stimulate a woman (or a man) for that matter. Furthermore, every woman has her own individual preferences, styles of arousal, and erogenous zones. What this means is that if you try and use a pattern of stimulation that worked with another woman, you may find it has no effect at all on the one you're with this time: individual discovery is everything.
Even though being a good lover means communicating emotionally with a woman before you get into bed, and even though being a really great lover involves finding out about the little things that turn your woman on, there are still some basic things you need to know!
First is that not many women can actually tell you specifically what they want -- and that's because they don't even know themselves. As we said before, it's not the same for a woman as it is for a man: your penis was obvious to you from the day you were born and the fact that you could play with it whenever you wanted encouraged the development of your sexuality. The inward facing, partially hidden genitals of a woman could be a metaphor for her sexuality -- mysterious, turned in on herself, not obvious to you, and probably not that obvious to her either. So your first problem is overcoming the uncertainty of what she actually wants. Take it from me, it's a myth that women are incapable of communicating whether something is good or bad, whether they want more or less of it, how it feels or whether it's working for them, even when they're in the midst of their sexual arousal. They can do this, even though they often say they can't.
The problem is that they women believe if they communicate in words it will take themselves away from their sexual arousal: but communication doesn't have to be complicated, it can be as simple as a murmur, a yes or no, or even a guiding of your hand with hers to the point where she'd prefer you to be stimulating her. It's not fair for women to expect men to meet their sexual needs if they won't cooperate in communicating what those needs are.
It's often the case that women get irritated when a man doesn't do what they want -- but they haven't even told him what they want, and as in so many other areas of life they expect you to act like a mind reader. So the first thing to do is to encourage your partner to communicate clearly and simply about what she wants. That's not a conversation to have when you're actually in the bedroom trying to take her to orgasm. Have that conversation when there's no pressure on you, when you're both feeling relaxed, when you're feeling connected to each other.
The next thing is that men tend to think that women like what men like. Not so! For one thing, to start with she needs a very gentle stimulation across the whole of the area of her vulva, labia, inner thighs around her pubic area. The last thing she needs his attention to her clitoris! She also needs plenty of lube: saliva is perfectly adequate if nothing else is available, but you may find a water-based lubricant helps the slipperiness that aids female sexual arousal. And she doesn't need direct contact on the clitoris, she needs stimulation around it (bearing in mind of course that these guidelines are just that and it won't be surprising if you find a woman who wants something different to what I'm suggesting here!).
As a man you know how exciting it is when you speed up the stimulation that you give to yourself with your hand when you masturbate. But most women don't want that: in fact they want the opposite - when they say something is feeling good, they want you to carry on doing exactly what you're doing. Their slow, gradual rise into sexual arousal means slow steady stimulation is called for. It's only when a woman's nearly at the point of orgasm, is almost at her point of no return, that she'll want faster and harder stimulation of the clitoris: it's at this point that speeding up will tip her over into orgasm -- most of the time!
For there are times when a woman's orgasm just slips away unaccountably, for no obvious reason at all. It's likely to be because some disturbing thought has crossed her mind and interrupted her progress to orgasm, and while it's possible that you may be able to start again, it's equally possible that that's it for the day!
All of these things are a mystery to men, and required a degree of patience and tolerance and understanding.
Bear in mind that a comfortable supportive relationship is actually more important than sex for some women. Her desire for sex will emerge from a warm relationship with you, which is rather different to your experience, where you feel closer to a woman after you've had sex. Remember what I said earlier about foreplay beginning outside the bedroom? The more that you do, the easier it will be to get her to orgasm in the bedroom.
Another important thing is to get away from the concept that penetrative sex is the way that most women reach orgasm. If you believe this, stop believing it right now. The way most women reach orgasm is through stimulation of the clitoris: while it's certainly true that G spot stimulation may help them to achieve orgasm, and it may dramatically increase the quality duration and depth of an orgasm, for the vast majority of women the clitoris is the key to an orgasm.
When we asked a couple of thousand women what complaints they had about sex, one of the most common ones that was that men didn't understand the power of the clitoris. When you think about it, that is a damning indictment of our sexual ability! The clitoris is the way women reach orgasm! And we ignore it! However, you being an expert lover, and having absorbed all the information I've given you on this website, you'll know that if you're having trouble finding her clit you can cunningly find it by kissing all the way down her body and then gently parting her labia until you find it with your fingers or tongue.
Problem solved? Well, yes, but only up to a point. You also need to be aware of the way in which she likes her clitoris to be stimulated -- I described some of the most relevant points above. However, you might be wondering what to do when you've found it. And the answer is simple -- you just do everything you can think of until you find something she likes! Your effort in pleasing her will show itself very clearly indeed to her; she will know that you want to give her pleasure. She'll know how dedicated you are to giving her the greatest satisfaction and fulfilment during sex. What you need from her in return is some communication so you can slightly adjust whatever it is that you're doing to give her even greater satisfaction and pleasure. It isn't difficult!
As a man you get very turned on very easily by a naked woman. So you need to stop thinking of your partner as a sex object, as a pair of breasts and a vagina on legs. Instead, you need to make a connection with the real woman and you need to treat her with respect. Part of that respect involves the way you communicate with her as you make love: it might be acceptable when she's very aroused in the heat of passion to say something like "I love fucking you" or "I'm going to fuck you hard", but it's probably wise to try saying something like "This feels so fantastic, I absolutely adore being inside you" first.
Don't tell her you "get so fucking horny" when you're with her; tell her she makes you "so excited, she is the sexiest woman you've ever seen". Even if she doesn't believe it, she's going to enjoy hearing you say it.
I'm sure you'll realise by now that how you treat her body is also another sign of how you respect her: in particular, how you treat her breasts. It's no use just diving for them, giving them a perfunctory fiddle, and then moving on to more interesting places. You need to treat them with love, and since they have a direct neural pathway to her vagina, paying gentle stimulating attention to them will often make her natural juices flow. Gently play with a nipple with your tongue, or a finger moistened with saliva, watch out for her response and then adapt what you're doing to suit. Above all, ask her what she'd like you to do -- not necessarily while you're doing it, but perhaps when you're feeling intimate and relaxed with each other and there aren't any other distractions around. Another aspect of her body that you need to be aware of is the fact that the whole surface of a woman's skin can act as an erogenous zone. You've heard it said that a woman's biggest sexual organ is her mind, and the second largest is the skin? It's true: getting a woman into her skin, by stimulating it all over, is one of the quickest and easiest ways to turn her on to an awareness of her body and its sexuality.
When you finally get down to the clitoris, make sure that you give it the right kind of attention. Don't pretend that you know where it is if you don't! I've already given you some instructions on how to find it without having her realising that you're taking Female Anatomy 101, so make use of that information. There are many things that you can do with the clitoris: just try a variety of movements and see what happens! Experiment and be bold. if she doesn't like what you're doing she'll tell you quickly enough, or you can ask her to put her hand on yours and guide you in the movements that you're making.
A great approach is to use your fingers with lubrication all over her labia and vulval area. See how she responds to pressure on different parts of the genitals. Some women have a particularly sensitive spot between the vaginal opening and the clitoris, just underneath the opening of the urethra. Other women find stimulation of the first couple of inches of the vagina exquisitely delightful after they've reached a certain level of arousal through clitoral stimulation. You can ask her to help you by exposing the head of her clitoris for you with her fingers: if she's a sexually experienced woman, she'll know what she likes and she'll know how to encourage you to give it to her. Women like to be penetrated, just as you like to penetrate them, but only after they've reached a certain level of arousal. If you're stimulating her clitoris with your lips or tongue, you can always insert one or perhaps two fingers into her vagina to add to the stimulation.
As always, check her response to see whether she likes it or not. Ask her to tell you what she wants! The fact that she has to tell you doesn't mean it will feel any less enjoyable. It's absolutely delightful for many women to feel you gently exploring them with your fingers.
If you watch videos of women masturbating, you'll find that they almost always pleasure themselves with attention to both the clitoris and a finger or two inside the vagina. If you want to conduct a scientific investigation (well, pseudoscientific anyway), this website has loads of videos that will show you exactly what women do when they pleasure themselves. Watch with interest, because you might actually learn something to your advantage.
As you may have heard the most effective way to give a woman an orgasm (bearing in mind that all women are different!) is oral pleasuring. If nothing else, become an expert at it, relish it, and enjoy it. It's sometimes a little bit difficult to discuss very intimate sexual matters when you're not feeling aroused: many men and women feel a little bit of inhibition, hesitation, call it what you will, about discussing intimate sexual matters that they absolutely relish when they're feeling more aroused. So in that context I invite you to consider the fact that men are naturally inclined to find the scent and taste of a woman's vagina attractive. Even more so, we're programmed to find the scent and taste of her love juice extremely arousing. And that means the more effort you put into oral sex, where effort means attention to her needs, the more rewarding you should find it.
There's a natural reinforcement of your arousal from her arousal. The more aroused she gets, the more aroused you get. The more aroused you get, the more excited she gets -- that's the way it's meant to work. You might have noticed sometimes when you're with a lover that your sexual energy diminishes unexpectedly. That's almost certainly because she's not feeling aroused or excited. It's an interesting feedback mechanism, but what it means in practice is that your level of excitement during sex is governed by how aroused she is. In effect, she sets some kind of ceiling on the level of excitement that you can achieve. Disturbing though this may be, it's a fact, and what it means in practice is that the more time you spend on foreplay, and the more engaged with her you are emotionally, the more likely she is to respond to your touch, and the more excited and aroused you will become.
All of that means you'll have a better orgasm, and you probably won't have premature ejaculation, so it's surely worth the effort? (I think the answer to that question depends on your ability to see the early stages of sex as enjoyable, rather than a duty, or a tedious burden which you just have to get through before you can stick it in her thrust away to orgasm. But then, if you were that kind of guy, you wouldn't be reading this website anyway, now would you?).
If you have any doubts at all about the scent or taste of your woman's most intimate parts, take a bath together before you engage in lovemaking. Soap her up and gently rub between her legs so that she's clean ... but of course, do it with her permission and if she doesn't like it, ask what she'd rather do instead. Remember, taking a bath together is a great form of foreplay.